The Power Of Dumb - Chapter 1

Did you know that by utilizing a power that we all possess in abundance, you can turn your life around, sideways and upside-down? Of course I'm talking about the power of dumb. When confronted with one of life's many problems, most of us try to solve the problem by using our intelligence. It doesn't always work does it? That's because the most powerful force in the universe on a molecular level is not an intelligent one. The unseen essence of life that surrounds us all like the funk of a ripe hobo is pure dumbness.

I imagine that some of you are scratching your genitalia in skepticism. You are asking yourself questions like, "How can you prove that dumbness is an all-powerful force" and "Who do you complain to when you have a problem with the Better Business Bureau?" To answer the first question, let's spell out the word "dumb." D-U-M-B. The last letter is a "b." Why is that? You don't pronounce the word "dum-buh." Kind of ridiculous isn't it? Downright dumb I would say. Now take a quick glance at today's newspaper. Turn on your TV. The power of dumb parades before you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Now more than ever, the power of dumb permeates our culture. Unsuccessful people in todays society are the ones who fight the power of dumb. They are overanalyzing, intellectual hamsters running to nowhere on an exercise wheel of their own design. They are the undumb. You must learn to relax, enter a state of non-thought and let the power of dumb envelop you as the exterior sponge cake of a Twinkie envelopes its creme filling. The great 17th century idiot, Claude Maltball said "Only a turtle can spin clockwise and still not tell which way the wind blows." Confused? Excellent. You are beginning to access the power of dumb.

I know what you're thinking, and that's the problem...THINKING! Think about it, all thinking has ever gotten you is what you have right now, which isn't what you want or you wouldn't be reading this nonsense. No, thinking leads to thoughts and thoughts are no more than waste material. Waste material of the mind that piles up, creating clumps of educated opinions, theories and common sense. Yes, even common sense must be neutralized. A true dummy would never wear a jacket outside on a stormy day or avoid drinking milk 3 weeks past it's expiration date. In fact, elimination of common sense is the first and most important step in accessing the power of dumb. So the next time you pick up a pointy stick...go ahead...put your eye out!

To gain complete access to the power of dumb, you must first understand it. "What?" you may ask, "Doesn't understanding something require a certain amount of thinking, and doesn't thinking require a certain amount of intelligence? Doesn't this create some sort of paradox?" First of all, stop using words like "paradox", who are you... Albert Freakin' Einstein? Secondly, you're right, attempting to understand something does require intelligence, but I've gotta fill up this book with some sort of mumbo jumbo, so cut me some slack, okay?