The Power Of Dumb - Connecting With Your Inner Stupidity
Chapter 1 - Introduction
To The Power Of Dumb
Did you know that by utilizing a power that we all possess in abundance, you
can turn your life around, sideways and upside-down? Of course I'm talking about the power of dumb. When
confronted with one of life's many problems, most of us try to solve the problem by using our intelligence. It doesn't always work does it? That's because the most powerful force in the universe
on a molecular level is not an intelligent one. The unseen essence of life that surrounds us all
like the funk of a ripe hobo is pure dumbness.
I imagine that
some of you are scratching your genitalia in skepticism. You are asking yourself questions like, "How can you prove that dumbness is an all-powerful force" and "Who
do you complain to when you have a problem
with the Better Business Bureau?" To answer the first question, let's spell out the word "dumb." D-U-M-B. The last letter is a "b." Why is that? You don't pronounce the word "dum-buh." Kind of ridiculous
isn't it? Downright dumb I would say.
Now take a quick glance at today's newspaper. Turn on your TV. The power of dumb parades before you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Now more than ever, the power of dumb permeates our culture. Unsuccessful people in todays
society are the ones who fight the power of
dumb. They are overanalyzing, intellectual hamsters running to nowhere on an exercise wheel of their own design. They are the undumb. You must learn to relax, enter a state of non-thought and let the power of dumb envelop you
as the exterior sponge cake of a Twinkie envelopes
its creme filling. The great 17th century idiot, Claude Maltball said "Only a turtle can spin clockwise and still not tell which way the wind blows." Confused? Excellent. You are beginning to access the power of dumb.
I know what you're
thinking, and that's the problem...THINKING! Think about it, all thinking has ever gotten you is what you have right now, which isn't what you want or you wouldn't be
reading this nonsense. No, thinking
leads to thoughts and thoughts are no more than waste material. Waste material of the mind that piles up, creating clumps of educated opinions, theories and common sense. Yes, even common sense must be neutralized. A true dummy would never wear a jacket outside on a stormy day
or avoid drinking milk 3 weeks past it's expiration
date. In fact, elimination of common sense is the first and most important step in accessing the power of dumb. So the next time you pick up a pointy stick...go ahead...put your
complete access to the power of dumb, you must first understand it. "What?" you may ask, "Doesn't understanding something require a certain amount of thinking, and doesn't thinking require a certain amount of intelligence?
Doesn't this create some sort of paradox?" First of all, stop using words like "paradox", who are you... Albert Freakin' Einstein? Secondly, you're right, attempting to understand something does require intelligence, but I've gotta fill
up this book with some sort of mumbo
jumbo, so cut me some slack, okay?