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The Power Of Dumb - Connecting With Your Inner Stupidity

Chapter 5 - Embracing Your Thought Clods

    A subject often brought up by attendees at my annual $10,000 a week Dumb Camp is meditation. Can relaxation and internal focus help one obtain the dumbness needed to become transcedently apathetic to lifes challenges? Hell, no! That's why I have taken the idea of meditation and twisted it into a workable dumb excercise I call "meddle-tation." In meditation, the goal is to clear your mind. In meddle-tation, the goal is to clutter up your mind with pointless trivia, deep rooted anxieties and any other "thought clods" that will potentially keep you from behaving intelligently.
    Beginners in meddle-tation often have a hard time creating their own thought-clods, so I have created a few stupid situations for you to ponder. Just concentrate on one or more of the following senarios and before long, intelligent thought will be leaving on that  midnight train to Georgia.

Meddle-tation Scenario 1: Imagine you are naked in the middle of a deserted parking lot. A midget holding an electric razor approaches you and offers to shave your legs. You, on the other hand, would much rather play tether ball.

Meddle-tation Scenario 2: An apple fritter the size of a tractor tire crashes through the roof of your home and crushes your living room couch. Instead of notifying the authorities, you decide instead to introduce the oversized pastry to family members as your fiancee Bruno.

Meddle-tation Scenario 3: You awaken one morning only to find that both of your hands have become rolls of ultra-soft toilet paper. Do you consider this a curse or a blessing?